I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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