grandma shit on top of the toilet
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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