First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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