i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
