He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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