Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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