I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
