you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
