R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
