how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I still have a little drunk in my system
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
