Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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