I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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