I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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