He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
