You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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