I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
