do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
