Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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