a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
