He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
