Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
