She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
