She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize