I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize