you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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