Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
