I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
How's work?
Spinning.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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