I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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