Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
