I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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