I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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