cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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