I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just found puke in my bra..
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
