I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
