Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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