thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
