i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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