How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
