Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
