Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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