Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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