You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
either way he was missing a nipple.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
