Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize