Where did you get a picture of my penis
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
