This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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