If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
we made out on top of his cat.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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