I need to stop coming to work sober
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
