Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
