Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
