Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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