My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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