Kiss
Puke
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
