I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
