Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
