I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She announced her abortion via fbk
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
