3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
