"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
