What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
