dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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