I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
