I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
