First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
