T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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