Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
