I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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