Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
