when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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