Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
