Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
