I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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