I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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