i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
