You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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