Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
