Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
