batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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