Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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