just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
