yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
