We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
