I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
