you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
