well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
