did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
