but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize