Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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