I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
