I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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