Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
