I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
