You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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