Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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