I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
