sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I believe in your delicious
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
