Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
