i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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