I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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