Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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