trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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