walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
