I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Randomize
