Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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